I’m still here

I was never meant to be

I was never meant to see

All that life had offer

But I’m still here

At the age of three

My babysitter decided I wasn’t a good kid

And two years of it already made me want to leave

But I’m still here

At the age of eight

My mother wasn’t well

And for my father, by the gate I’d wait

Least to say, things weren’t swell

But I’m still here

At the age of ten

Life started looking up

I was back where I left off

My glass wasn’t half empty, it was a full cup

yet my body was never alright

I was always held up

For if I tried too hard

It would have given up

It’s not a good feeling

always being runner-up

But I’m still here

At the age of fourteen

I realised what I’d come from

what my past meant to me, what had been

and with this came my mother’s sickness

a downhill road for me this would mean

But I’m still here

At the age of fifteen

I did what I never thought I’d do

Picked apart a sharpener and a slit through my skin I blew;

for that moment, everything felt better

but for a bad addiction this would make, I knew

And whenever things went bad,

it worsened because of my GAD

So I looked to the blade for peace

for if I hadn’t, I’d have gone mad

But I’m still here

At the age of sixteen

I learnt how to put up a strong face

even with my chest, a black space

I played my role like an ace

Made some bonds I could never replace

and these bonds kept me afloat

led me over my troubles into the castle of happiness like a moat

but my breast still felt like a void

and the letters I left, were more than just a little note

But I’m still here

At the age of eighteen I sit

in front of a laptop by a bottle of gin

and after years of hoping for an end

all I come across is another bend

I fucked up, I did

and there’s no way out, nothing to mend

For all the times I picked up that knife

I can’t pretend

that it was another cat I tried to befriend

Everyday  I wait by the ledge of my terrace

thinking about how my parents I’d embarrass

not waiting for a four leafed clover

just a little breeze to push me over

But somehow, I’m still here

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